Anything But Okay

Sometimes 

I go to the eye doctor

And get my pupils dilated.

Just don't want to see clearly.

Blur is exciting.

Sometimes I don't feel like winning 

Or subscribing to the "I win so you lose" philosophy.

Yesterday 

I took a drag from some random person's joint.

I'm going to get drunk today 

And tomorrow is Friday.

I want to slow down.

Rushing has never helped no one.

Has it?

I ran the rat race 

Did well for a while.

Only to realize 

I'm not a rat after all.

So I'm taking the call.

Of my heart.

No more feeling 

Insecure, Insignificant, In pain.

Selling out is not an option, 

Not for me. No.

I feel stretched and pulled 

All the time from all sides.

Not that I'm creating any value 

In the world by that.

It's busy work.

Replaceable like old jam.

I run in my head like an advertisement of myself.

A profile created just for likes.

And in fast forward.

I'd live every moment in the detail 

If I liked living right?

Right now I'm just skimming through life 

With the attention a teacher pays to math papers 

when the whole class's are to be checked before lunch.

A whore praying for it to get over quick without gagging.

Just because they are all okay 

doesn't make me the mad.

Okay is the just that. 

Okay.

Far from brilliant 

Or Magnificent 

Or Beautiful.

Far from that quaint tree on the hill 

With a jute swing hanging from it.

Far from the empty hours after lunch 

On a sunny Feb day.

In the sun. 

In your head. 

Empty hardly. Quite the opposite.

Sweet sweet sun.

He doesn't report to some suns manager 

Or universal rays coordinator.

The king of the jungle doesn't check his inbox every few minutes and still lives. 

So majestic and pure at that.

Bees don't have to ask for the queen's permission 
to take a leave from the hive and just relax,

No GPS tracks them on their flower visits.

Worker ants don't punch in no cards 

when come into work in the hole of that wall.

The ants aren't working for someone.

Smaller than an ant.

Feel.