Forgetting

I wake up

Disoriented and Disjointed

Slightly disappointed 

In my reality

I am tired of thinking about him

Not tired tired

But it'd help to get a break

Catch a breath

Cut me some slack

Ad nauseum 

Ad break

I can't seem to shake it

Sometimes I fear I'll never 

forget to think about him,

Even for a second. 

My brain's got a blue print of his ways 

down to the sound nuances of his laugh

and how easy is his gait, 

or the way his hands move.

It's recreated every night in my dreams 

There is a him shaped hole on the walls of my heart which has no door that I can lock.

No seal, 

so his life seeps in to my heart 

and I can't stop it. 

Maybe our subconscious mind is too evolved for morals 

For right or wrong

Trust me I know, 

I'm trying with all my might

What do I do?

What do I do!

I keep going in circles with his name

And that stupid pretty face and them godforsaken nuances of hands and laughter

For I don't know him even at all.

Why should I? 

After all familiarity is bound to ruin it

Penultimate deal-breaker 

What I want is rationed conversations 

Like an antidote for poison 

I think it'll rid me of this constant anguish 

This new found pain.

15 minutes twice a day for a month.

Prescription please

Either way it'll help. 

I think it will. 

Should I just ask him 

For it. Time. 

Keep it weird and clinical.

An experiment.

I want to become me minus thoughts of him again. 

I want to have the luxury of missing him.

Think about this time as a phase years later and go, 'Wow, haven't thought about him in a while' 

and sigh. 

I want peace

I want out 

Coz there's no in

Except for imploding