A part yet apart; so kill

It is the thought I have fallen for.
Not you,
Of being with you,
the thought of lostly thinking we'll be together one day
And I'm falling viscous deeper with everyday.
My thoughts are as if cryptic tailor-made for you.
I am the outsider between you, me and my soul.
A mere mediator;
I don't understand what you say to her
or what she replies with her silver-lined purple smiles.
But you two share an emotion;
the most important of emotions perhaps.
the sparkles in you two's eyes are of the same moon-crescenty formation.

I'm one with only the idea,
Not one with you.
Idea of calling you up in my darkest hour
crying my heart out;
knowing that you'd comfort me somehow.
If not that, you'll hurt me somehow
giving me a new reason to cry and help forget the previous reason.
The Mad me in me would be glad.

I want to live with the dream.
not live with you.
The dream that I have seen so many times over;
it is more real to me than life.
But there is a glass between the dream and me.
Like my mirror image;
so real yet a dream entrapped several glass worlds away.
I want to break the glass to touch me- the dream
though I know it will break the dream too and
the broken dream in turn will break me!

I want to find what is it to be broken
not find you.
I have found you already
and it lacks the drama I require.
What is it to lose mind.
lose life
lose time and fucking respect in society.
Lose all
when it is not over love
or any of love's derivatives.
When it is just for the experience.
Losing because you want to know
how does it feel to lose.
To go mad to know mad.

I want to kill my soul
not kill you
The soul which bares all to you without my consent.
How dare she!
The soul which sees you through.
Just like you see through me and my harmless lies.
soul; stares at you so heavy, i can feel the weight at times.
soul; which makes me say things I never plan or rehearse
forth the mirror dream before meeting you.
She is prudish;
Her tone condescending in my direction
She is pure as oyster's pearl; white and flawed.
emulating a godly almost gaudy halo.
Makes me doubt very root of my affection.
I'm a fucking creep to be jealous of my own soul.
Can't kill her.
But I can kill her habitat.

I see her in your gaze,
At the right corner of your lips when you smile.
She's not with you
Nor am I
But she's more..
She is a part of you.
her broken pieces stick to your skin
and to your soul.
If you die, it'll kill my soul
won't you let me kill my soul.
kill my soul!
so kill my soul.

So kill.
Soul kill.